An important theme in my life has been the contrast of movement and staying still. I grew up and lived in the same place until I left for college, and since then I have shaken things up by moving every 3.5-4 months either by choice or system default (you have to move out of the dorm rooms when Summer comes.) Going to school at the same place for four years kept me somewhat grounded in Massachusetts, but with long winter and summer breaks, moving rooms/houses, and spending a (non-consecutive) year abroad, I developed the ability to pack all of my earthly possessions into two suitcases and a mentality to match.
The more I travel, the more the wanderlust spirit is ignited in me. I know I’m not alone, as there’s a whole community of folks who value movement, travel, and adventure, and sometimes our attitudes and our paths look similar.
Here in Portland, I know that the time is coming shortly that I will move again. This was more or less my original plan, to stay here for the Spring and Summer and then move on, unless I found I didn’t want to leave. I wonder what comes next, and already I dream of faraway places: Cuba or Hong Kong, for example. I struggle, though, with the big questions of how I will care for my existing communities and find new ones, be of service to others, use my talents, provide for myself, feed my spirit, etc. I have seen how travel and living abroad energizes me in a way that living in the US doesn’t right now (with the exception of its wilderness spaces.) I have also seen how growing and having roots in a community for an extended time (Boulder) creates some of the most meaningful relationships of life. I highly value qualities from these different types of lifestyles, so I find myself caught wanting both.
Ultimately, I don’t feel too bad for wanting to leave Portland. While I want to have a “mind over matter” attitude, Portland isn’t a “here” that I want to set deep roots into, not at this point of my life anyways. I’m pretty sure that 80% of this stems from how I feel during the rainy season, which is to say miserable. The people and the food are as fabulous as they say.
I trust that finding balance between these paths won’t be easy, but it will be fruitful. So here is to dreaming of the next adventure.
Mia said:
Hi Bec! I really like your blog. It’s funny that you’re half a country away and yet we seem to be asking a lot of the same questions and contemplating similar things! I recently read “How Should a Person Be” by Sheila Heti and it really gave me perspective on this idea of adventure vs stability. I’d been viewing Minneapolis as kinda a platform from which I would jump into the rest of my life – somewhere peaceful where I could wait for the dust to settle from graduation and apply for jobs and compare potential cities/states (cause we can live anywhere!) before committing to anything. At various points I had my heart set on New Orleans, Dallas, New Zealand, Sweden – even Portland with all you guys! Anyways, I don’t remember entirely what Heti talks about (it’s worth checking out!), but part of it is about the allure of moving, but how you fall into a routine and things become somewhat monotonous no matter where you end up, so why not be surrounded by friends who help you spice things up? It’s made me reflect on how amazing Minneapolis is, but it certainly hasn’t extinguished my desire to pick up and move to New Zealand, especially since this is such a great time in life to travel and have adventures! But I guess it’s also a lovely time to sit still and find a city to call home for a while.
radishpop said:
Thanks Mia! I really love your thoughtful responses. I agree, I think we are on similar wavelengths, as are a lot of young people. I wonder about the allure of moving too and the treadmill of falling into monotony, and honestly I think that’s why I am drawn to international living. Falling into a routine in a different country is one of the things I love most, because it helps me connect to a place so different from what I mostly know. Falling into a routine here in Portland has been less fruitful, because I am not spicing things up like I could. I think that makes me sound lame, because I know I could apply more of a travelers mindset here too, there is a lot to explore. However thats something I notice.
radishpop said:
PS, Dallas and Sweden?? I want to hear more!! So different from each other. 🙂
Alex said:
This is so beautiful, Bec. You perfectly and ever so eloquently articulated exactly how I feel, just as you thought. [Big sigh]. To our next adventure in the quest for balance, wherever it may be.
I vote Hong Kong or New Zealand.
yogipianist said:
As your other half who has done virtually no international traveling I can relate to this on a different level. 4 years in a cow town + 2 years in a corn field town = me never wanting to leave NYC ever. I was a little more settled than you were for my school experiences with being on a regular lease and my moves were less sporadic. However my 6 years in places I hated germinated the need and desire to survive and thrive in NYC as an artist. I have found my home here and in a way, I feel that I earned it. I too want to travel but know right now that my path requires me to grow roots in NY before spreading my wings. I want a strong nest to come back to.
Obviously having a place to call home is a desire that everyone needs on a very primal level. It is how we define ourselves. As a bi-racial person, and someone who loves different cultures, it is possible that living in the U.S. right now just isn’t your cup of tea. Seeing different cultures and having new experiences is revitalizing. I know that that’s why I love NY so much. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.
I know that this is hard transition you are facing but it’s also so exciting! Follow your heart- the home of your people that love you will be with you anywhere. I can’t wait for your next adventure.
radishpop said:
Thanks Ang! What you say makes a lot of sense to me. I can see why NY is such a good place for you. Love you!